One can only hope that moving on is on a straight linear trajectory. Like climbing out of a pit hole and never getting dragged down by your own weight. It's a climb you thought was easy.

I'm not one who denies things when being confronted (unless it's something that I'm trying to deny to myself as well). At first, I thought I did podcasting to occupy my lengthened amount of idle time, now that I am single. But the truth is I started my hobby in the hopes of making the moving on process easier.

About four months in, just about the number of months we stayed together, I'm still pacing back and forth from denial to acceptance. I was expecting that by now I would have fully recovered, back on my feet, and okay to see you with somebody else. Four months in, and I'm still nowhere near letting you go even if you have.

I tried to convince myself that I didn't really love you. But the heart really does have a mind of its own, noh? Somehow and in some ways, my logic gets beaten my emotions. Maybe it's a Cancer thing. I don't know.

But I do know I need to be able to learn to be okay of the idea of you being with someone else. And my feelings about certain events in your life shouldn't hinder you from doing what you think is best for you. Dealing with my own emotions is a job I should be able to handle, and everyday I try to learn.

Believe me, one day, I will be happy for you. I'd be in front of the lines cheering you on because you have finally found the kind of love you wanted and deserved. But it's not going to be today. Let me wallow in sadness for a moment as I try to teach myself to be okay without you.