Quarantine Diaries: Quarter Life Crisis
11:05 PM
If you're here wanting to find some answers for your own quarter life crisis, I assure this is not the place to be. But if you're here just wanting to know if you're not alone in experiencing this, then I hope you find comfort in this piece, and in knowing that you are not alone.
Quarter Life Crisis vis-a-vis Pandemic
At first, I thought I was just loving being at home, and the comfort its bringing me - warm, calm, and familiar. But over time, the familiar becomes nauseating. The mundane becomes excruciatingly boring. With this, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I might leave this place in search for growth, for independence, for something that gets me excited to wake up in the morning.
As we're approaching the anniversary of being in quarantine, one thing has fallen true to me right now - being cooped up for so long really does mess with your mental health. Being alone in your own thoughts forces you to ponder on things you wish to be avoiding. Being in a pandemic and experiencing a quarter life crisis all at the same time, it's hitting a different kind of level. I literally wish I could drink these thoughts away. And by drink, yes, I mean alcohol 😅
Quarter Life Crisis and why did no one prepare me for this
I am in my mid-20's, and I thought I'm handling the quarter life crisis quite well, but day after day after day, it's hitting me. I've been feeling demotivated, unexcited, worn out, perpetually tired. But like I said in one of my podcasts, you can never skip through the sad and depressing parts of your life. You have to go through it each day hoping that tomorrow you feel better, and tomorrow, it will get better.
As someone who loves making and plotting plans, you would think that I would have had planned out my entire life when I was a kid, but I never really did. I guess, what I did was do what my parents would tell me. Because I wanted to set an example as a good daughter. Well, I particularly succeeded in that area though, but right now, I feel like I could be doing more than just being good. I do feel like a path was being drawn for me before I could even begin walking it, and it's not that I am being ungrateful for it. As a matter of fact, I love how being an accountant has helped my family financially. I enjoyed doing the numbers, creating financial reports that help shape the company. Eventually, as well, I would love to, hopefully, rise to the top in the corporate world. But right now, creating a different path seems like a pretty liberating thing to do - a path where I actually feel excited about life.
Quarter Life Crisis in the digital age
In an age where you can get a glimpse of someone's life in just a few scrolls, and a quick search, it's easy to question one's self. As mere human beings, it is in our nature to be envy or jealous of what other people have, and failing to see what we already have. No matter how many people reassure you with words like "everyone has their own timeline", you still couldn't help but feel shitty about yourself. It's such a negative emotion but I also know it's a valid feeling, and we should not apologize for the things we are going through just because everyone thinks you should feel better.
Finding Your Purpose
As a try to fill up this post, I couldn't help but ask myself why am I feeling this way. And I guess, for so long, I have been trying to deny it from myself and hiding it from everyone else. I want to know my life's purpose. At first, I thought I had known it. But as it turns out, I'm still on a limb trying to figure out what it might be. And until I know what that is, I'm gonna take everyday one step at a time into discovering it.
I'm kind of writing messy right now, just like how my thoughts are. But I know I'll eventually make sense of these emotions, and someday, find the will and motivation to fulfill my life's purpose, whatever that might be.
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